Let’s be honest. When you hear “self-care,” do you picture a woman in a fluffy white robe, sipping cucumber water in a room that smells like expensive eucalyptus?
That’s a nice vibe. But let’s talk about the other 364 days of the year. The days where “self-care” is just trying to drink enough water so you don’t get a headache, and trying not to lose your mind because someone spilled juice on the rug for the third time today.
If you feel like your “low battery” notification has been flashing for a month straight, you don’t need a spa day. You need maintenance. Think of these 12 steps like the oxygen mask on a plane: you have to put yours on first, or you’re no use to anyone else.
Grab your beverage of choice—even if it’s that cold coffee from 8 AM—and let’s build a routine that actually fits into a messy, beautiful, complicated life.
The Self-Care “Energy Audit” Cheat Sheet
Not all self-care is created equal. Use this table to figure out what you actually need right now based on how you feel.
← Swipe to audit your energy →
| If you feel… | Try this 5-Min Win | Why it works |
|---|---|---|
| Exhausted | Drink water + 2 mins stretching | Rehydrates brain & lowers cortisol |
| Fried | The “Brain Dump” Journaling | Clears mental “RAM” and open loops |
| Socially Drained | Phone in another room | Stops the “Comparison Trap” noise |
| Emotionally Heavy | Name the feeling out loud | Calms the brain’s “danger” center |
| Total Burnout | Step outside for fresh air | Immediate sensory shift & grounding |
Table Of Contents
- Step 1: Audit Your Energy Bank Account
- Step 2: Master the Art of the “Gentle No”
- Step 3: Get Sleepy (Like, For Real)
- Step 4: Move Your Body in a Way That Doesn’t Suck
- Step 5: Feed Yourself Like Someone You Love
- Step 6: Curate Your Inputs (A Digital Detox)
- Step 7: Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
- Step 8: Connect with Your People
- Step 9: Do Nothing. On Purpose.
- Step 10: Tidy Your Physical Space (A Little Bit)
- Step 11: Acknowledge Your Feels
- Step 12: Celebrate the Tiny Wins
Step 1: Notice What Drains Your Energy
Think of your energy like a bank account. Every activity, person, and obligation is a transaction. Some are deposits (like a good night’s sleep or a chat with a funny friend). Some are withdrawals (like a draining work project or scrolling through bad news).
Your first mission, should you choose to accept it, is to play detective for a week.
- Track it: Don’t go crazy, just mentally note how different things make you feel. Does that weekly book club fill you up or drain you? Does mindlessly watching TV actually recharge you, or does it just make you feel blah?
- Identify the energy vampires: These are the people or activities that leave you feeling emptier than when you started. We all have them. It’s not about hating them; it’s about acknowledging their impact.
- Spot the joy-bringers: What are the things that, no matter what, give you a little spark? For me, it’s 10 minutes of quiet with my dog or discovering a new song I love.
The goal here isn’t to eliminate all withdrawals—that’s impossible. It’s to become aware of your balance so you can make conscious choices. Awareness is the first and most powerful step in self-care.
Step 2: Learn how to say “no” gently
This is a game-changer. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and saying “yes” to everything is the fastest way to get there. But saying “no” can feel rude, right?
Enter the “Gentle No.” It’s a refusal without the friction.
- The Gratitude + No: “Thank you so much for thinking of me! I really can’t take anything else on right now, but I appreciate the offer.”
- The No + Alternative: “I can’t commit to leading that project, but I’d be happy to review the notes afterward.”
- The Straightforward No (for when you’re feeling brave): “I’m not able to do that.”
See? No bridges burned. You protect your energy without feeling like the villain. IMO, learning to say no is the ultimate form of self-respect.
Step 3: Fix Your Sleep Schedule
“Get more sleep” is the advice everyone gives and almost no one follows. We treat sleep like a negotiable commodity, but it’s a non-negotiable foundation for everything else.
Forget just aiming for 8 hours. Let’s talk about quality.
- Create a tech curfew: Your phone is not your bedtime buddy. The blue light messes with your melatonin production (the sleep hormone). Try to power down at least an hour before bed. I know, it’s hard. But even 30 minutes makes a difference.
- Make your bed a sanctuary: Is your bed just a extension of your home office? Tidy it up, invest in comfy sheets, and reserve it for sleep and intimacy only—no work emails!
- Wind down, don’t crash: Instead of going from 100 to 0, try a gentle wind-down routine. Read a book (a real one!), listen to a calming podcast, or do some light stretching.
Ever wondered why you feel more tired after sleeping for 10 hours on a weekend? It’s often about the quality of that sleep, not just the quantity.
Pro-Tip: Your brain has a “waste clearance system” called the glymphatic system that only really gets to work while you’re in deep sleep. Skipping sleep is literally like letting the trash pile up in your head!
RELATED BLOG POST: How to Build a Self-Care Night Routine That Doesn’t Suck
Step 4: Move Your Body in a Way That Feels Good
I’m not here to tell you to run a marathon or spend two hours in the gym if you hate it. That’s the opposite of self-care; that’s self-punishment.
The key is to find movement you genuinely enjoy.
- Love dancing? Have a 15-minute kitchen dance party.
- Hate the gym? Go for a walk and listen to your favorite album.
- Stressed? Try a gentle yoga flow on YouTube.
The goal isn’t punishment; it’s release. Movement is a way to shake off the mental cobwebs and reconnect with your physical self. On my worst days, a 10-minute walk around the block can completely reset my mood. It’s magic.
Step 5: Feed Yourself Like Someone You Love
Notice I didn’t say “go on a diet” or “eat perfectly.” I said “feed yourself.” This is about nourishment, not restriction.
- Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate: Did you just guiltily look at your water bottle? It’s okay. Start small. Keep a glass of water on your desk. Your brain, skin, and energy levels will thank you.
- Prep for success: When life gets busy, healthy eating is the first thing to go. I’m not talking about elaborate meal prep. Just chop some veggies and store them in the fridge. Hard-boil a few eggs. Having easy, healthy options ready makes all the difference.
- Enjoy the treat: Eating a cookie with guilt is a waste of a good cookie. If you want the cookie, eat the cookie and savor every single bite. Self-care includes joy, and food is a huge source of it.
Step 6: Take a Break from Your Screen
Your brain is not a trash can. You wouldn’t willingly eat garbage, so why do you feed your mind a constant stream of stressful news, negative social media comparisons, and mindless scrolling?
- Unfollow liberally: Go through your social media feeds. Does that account make you feel inspired and happy, or inadequate and annoyed? Unfollow without guilt. Your feed, your rules.
- Set boundaries with news: It’s important to be informed, but it’s not helpful to be inundated. Maybe you check the news once a day instead of having alerts ping you every five minutes.
- Replace scroll-time with soul-time: Instead of reaching for your phone, could you read a chapter of a book? Listen to a song? Stare out the window and just… think?
This one step can dramatically lower your background anxiety. FYI.
Step 7: Be Kind to Yourself
Pay attention to your inner monologue. Is it kind? Supportive? Or is it brutally critical? You’d probably never speak to your best friend the way you sometimes speak to yourself.
Catch yourself in the act of self-criticism and reframe it.
- Instead of: “Ugh, I’m so lazy for not working out.”
- Try: “My body is telling me it needs rest today, and that’s okay.”
This feels weird at first, I won’t lie. But over time, it rewires your brain for self-compassion instead of self-flagellation.
Step 8: Connect with Your People
Self-care isn’t always solitary. Connection is a human need. And I’m talking about real, meaningful connection, not just liking each other’s posts.
- Schedule it: Sounds unromantic, but if it’s not on the calendar, it often doesn’t happen. Schedule a phone call with a long-distance friend or a coffee date with a local one.
- Be vulnerable: Ask for help when you need it. Share what you’re really going through. True connection happens when we let our guards down.
Step 9: Give Yourself Permission to Rest
In a world that glorifies busyness, doing nothing is a radical act. This is different from procrastination. This is intentional rest.
- Schedule “white space”: Literally block out time in your calendar for… nothing. No agenda. You can stare at the wall, daydream, or just sit. It feels weirdly luxurious and deeply restorative.
- Try boredom: Boredom is the birthplace of creativity. Let your mind wander without a screen to entertain it. You might be surprised where it goes.
Step 10: Clean Up Your Space a Little
Your external environment impacts your internal state. A cluttered, chaotic space can contribute to a cluttered, chaotic mind.
- The 5-minute reset: Don’t think you have to Marie Kondo your entire house. Just set a timer for 5 minutes and tidy one surface—your desk, your kitchen counter. That’s it. Small wins build momentum.
- Create a cozy corner: Designate one small area of your home as your calm zone. A comfortable chair with a soft blanket and a good book can be your go-to retreat.
Step 11: Acknowledge Your Feels
Self-care isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about acknowledging the full spectrum of human emotions.
- Name it to tame it: When you feel a big emotion, don’t just push it down. Acknowledge it. “I am feeling really anxious right now.” Or, “I am feeling sad.” Just naming the emotion can reduce its intensity.
- Let it out: Cry if you need to. Journal angrily. Talk it out. Letting emotions move through you is far healthier than letting them get stuck.
Step 12: Celebrate the Tiny Wins
We’re great at focusing on what we didn’t do. Flip the script.
- What went well today? Did you drink an extra glass of water? Did you take a deep breath when you felt stressed? Did you say no to something? Celebrate it!
- Gratitude is a superpower: Taking 60 seconds before bed to mentally list three things you’re grateful for can literally rewire your brain for positivity over time.
RELATED BLOG POST: 31 Unusual Self-Care Ideas You Haven’t Tried Yet
You’ve Got This
See? Self-care isn’t about adding a massive, spa-day-sized task to your to-do list. It’s about the small, consistent choices you make every day to honor your well-being. It’s the gentle no, the extra glass of water, the five minutes of quiet.
You don’t have to implement all 12 steps at once. That would be overwhelming, and overwhelming is the enemy of self-care. Pick one. Just one that resonates with you right now. Try it for a week.
This is your journey, your maintenance schedule. Be kind to yourself, celebrate the small victories, and remember that filling your own cup isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Now, go be your own best friend. You totally deserve it.
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